The key to change, as noted by Hudson and Fraley, is to make a specific plan to change specific behaviors. Don’t just say you’re going to be “more outgoing and sociable.” Instead, decide that on this particular day, you will make the effort to initiate an interaction with someone else whom you don’t know very well. You will call the person you recently met and arrange to go somewhere together. The change intervention didn’t work when it was general; only when it was specifically tied to an actual behavior the person could enact. A social skills model for understanding the foundations of leader communication. In Leader Interpersonal and Influence Skills (pp. 31-49).
Being More Extroverted Can Help You Make Friends
We help them understand which strategies align better with their innate strengths to pursue their goals authentically and avoid burnout. Introverts don’t shy away from 1-on-1 conversations if they’re interested in the topic discussed or comfortable with that person. Introverts are social, but differently—as Mimi Emmanuel mentioned in her interview captured in my book Fanfills Quiet Lessons for the Introvert’s Soul (which comes with a list of 100+ introvert strengths). Since Jung first introduced introversion-extraversion, several scientists have identified that introverts’ and extroverts’ brain pathways are different. Introverts have thicker gray matter compared to extroverts and a longer response to stimuli (since they also process information through long-term memory). In people who are strongly extraverted, gray matter was consistently thinner.
Introverts showed more activity in the frontal lobes, where analysis and rational thought take place. Developing this skill involves incorporating thoughtful pauses before responding, allowing complete processing of information received. Extroverts can practice by asking clarifying questions instead of sharing immediate reactions, maintaining eye contact throughout conversations, and resisting the urge to interrupt. These techniques gradually shift communication patterns from performative speaking to genuine understanding, creating deeper connections and more meaningful exchanges. The authors suggest that this may be because they can draw on both introverted and extroverted qualities, such as being able to focus on their studies while also socializing with classmates.
However, you can learn how to behave in a more extroverted way in social situations when it suits you. Sometimes, people can find themselves feeling more introverted or extroverted than usual. For example, an extrovert who has to be more social for work may want to be more socially introverted than usual.
Types Of Introverts
Every day she’s forced to go in, it takes another two to recover. What’s wild is that both of these friends had larger-than-life personalities – they were the type of people who’d be labelled as the class clown. They’re just as great now but are much more mellow when compared to their former selves.
Extroverts may have an advantage in living longer because their outgoing behavior garners more support from family and friends in their networks. The personality dimension of introversion-extraversion is well-known, well-researched, and seemingly quite a “visible” personality trait. Introverts are individuals who are more reserved and inward-focused. They tend to be more focused on their own thoughts and feelings and enjoy solitude.
The first person to coin the term “ambiversion” was psychologist Kimball Young in 1927 in Source Book for Social Psychology . Join 550,000+ helping professionals who get free, science-based tools sent directly to their inbox. Plus, be the first to receive exclusive content & discounts.
With practice, any learned skill can become second nature, which makes it even harder to recognize, especially if we learned the skill from a young age. However, even when a learned skill becomes easy, it might still be draining your energy “under the hood.” Although some might perceive them as extroverts in certain situations, especially if they don’t know how to recognize an introvert. Present awareness becomes the bridge between extroverted impulses and introverted depth, allowing practitioners to pause before automatically reaching for external validation or stimulation. An ambivert is a person who exhibits qualities of both introversion and extroversion and can flip into either depending on their mood, context, and goals.
From another point of view, however, the motivation to change your personality could be the very inspiration you need to set the wheels in motion. The most difficult step in the process of changing your personality is recognizing that such change will make you happier. Having made that decision, you could theoretically embark on a program of structured activities that would lead you to where you want to be in those desired traits. The only thing holding you back, at that point, is the conviction that no one’s personality can ever really change. Do you feel stuck in the personality you were born with, regretting that you’re not more outgoing, less of a worrier, and just plain nicer to other people?
His set points are so narrow that even positive social experiences leave him tired or cranky. While he’s socially well-adjusted, he prefers quiet, imaginative activities over spending time with people. According to Laney, introversion is rooted in our brain chemistry. Human brains use over 60 neurotransmitters — chemicals that control how the brain works. While everyone has the same basic chemicals, the exact “recipe” varies slightly from person to person. This unique mix is determined by your genes and is present from birth.
This isn’t true—it’s just about adapting to a situation. Jake Harrison, a Chicago-based writer, lives with his partner and their two dogs. He’s a lifelong introvert with an interest in psychology, personality types, and the social sciences.
Eamon Ryan’s TEDx Talk, Introverts, Extroverts, and Ambiverts? Studies show that we all experience ‘intrinsic maturation’, a process of our personality becoming more balanced over time. As we age we get quieter and more introverted, and we also become more conscientious and emotionally stable (hurray!).
One profound shift that distinguishes introverted approaches from extroverted ones involves prioritizing deeper, more meaningful relationships over expansive social networks. Rather than attending numerous casual gatherings, introverts typically invest their social energy in cultivating authentic interactions with a select group of individuals. This preference often allows them to develop a profound understanding of their close friends, leading to richer conversations and shared experiences. Understanding introverted personality traits can help others appreciate the value these individuals bring to relationships, emphasizing depth over breadth.
The RAS is responsible for regulating your motivation, consciousness, and behavioral arousal. An extrovert’s brain is more alert and hyper-focused when the sympathetic side is in control, and that’s why extroverts are more action-oriented and why they get energy from social stimuli. Introverts are more than comfortable focusing on their own ideas, thoughts, and feelings since external stimulation, like groups or crowds, is overwhelming and can lead to burnout.
- For example, an extrovert who has to be more social for work may want to be more socially introverted than usual.
- Karl Moore (2012) of McGill University researched introverted versus extroverted personality traits in the business world.
- The world needs people who are thoughtful, calm, and wise.
Check out our list of 11 introvert strengths and qualities or learn about 9 things introverts do better than their extroverted counterparts. You may feel like the odd one out for being an introvert, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You can foster extroverted qualities like being good at public speaking, making small talk, connecting with people, and more to help you better navigate this life. The researchers suggest that even if you, for example, adopt some extroverted behaviors, you’ll fall back on your original introverted ways when you are exhausted, tired, stressed, or anxious. On another physiological level, psychologist Hans Eysenck suggests that every person has a set point at which they are aroused. The reticular activating system (RAS) is a network of neurons that’s located in your brainstem.
It’s easy to put pressure on yourself in social settings and to feel like you are “on stage.” But you don’t need to be active all the time when you socialize. You can take short breaks by just standing passively, not doing anything, and not interacting with anyone. You can do that for 1-2 minutes in a group, and no one will notice.
Are you afraid that, as you get older, you’re falling short of your goals of being all of the above? There’s a tendency for people to believe the old adage of the famous psychologist William James who asserted that personality is set in plaster by the age of 30. Or you might be lured into agreeing with the Freudian perspective that our personalities are through changing by the age of 5 (or perhaps 12). Either way, you might feel discouraged and hopeless about never being the kind of person you always imagined you could be. In our society, outward social interaction is the norm and valued, so it’s only natural that you – an introvert – intentionally behave in more extroverted ways to be accepted and liked in relationships and at work.
This is what makes introvert-specific connection tools meaningful. Not that they fix introversion, but that they work with it. They do not require you to be louder, faster, or more performative to find someone worth knowing. While we can certainly develop our non-dominant traits, such as extraversion, and each of us lies somewhere different on the “spectrum,” there is still a clear difference in whether we are an Introvert or an Extravert.
How does someone transform casual small talk into conversations that genuinely matter and create lasting connections? Moving beyond surface-level exchanges requires deliberate conversation starters that invite deeper sharing, replacing weather comments with open ended questions about personal experiences and values. Effective topic shifts emerge naturally when individuals demonstrate emotional awareness, reading nonverbal cues to gauge comfort levels before exploring more meaningful territory.
In this valuable book, we learn how introverts can make meaningful connections and have unexpected influences on the world without losing sight of who they are. Introverts are more prone to neurotic tendencies than extroverts, who are more tuned to positive stimuli and social interactions. We can categorize introverts into various types based on their traits and how they behave (Grimes et al., 2011).